Coping with Cancer thru the Holidays-a spiritual journey

I'm posting this talk from 3 years ago for anyone who might benefit from these words.
Coping with Cancer thru the Holidays-a spiritual journey (Talk for Lily Pad-cancer support group) 2012

Opening prayer:

Comfort, O comfort my people, says your God.
Have you not known? Have you not heard? Isaiah 40:28-31

The Lord is the everlasting God,
The Creator of the ends of the earth
He does not faint or grow weary;
His understanding is unsearchable.

He gives power to the faint
And strengthens the powerless.
Even youths will faint and be weary,
And the young will fall exhausted;

But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength,
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Thanksgiving is three days away and the turkey is probably already bought or at least it’s been decided on what to get and what to do this Thursday. Any talk I give about how to handle the holidays at this point is probably a day late and a dollar short. Because if you’ve had any anxiety, fear or worry about these days ahead you’ve probably already sweated out every last drop of how to handle the things you had never thought about needing to handle before. So, I salute you for the hard work you have already done and for your courage and your strength that you demonstrate each and every day, whether it’s a holiday or just a plain old week day.

You are all here tonight as members of a support group. Thanks be to God for Lily Pad and its founders to provide this opportunity here locally in Mount Vernon.

Some questions that we might ask ourselves as we face the holidays are:

Who am I?

What gives my life meaning?

What am I thankful for?

What is my relationship with my family and friends?

What is my relationship with God?

All of us face these questions at some point in our life and especially as we go through the stages that life deals us.

With the diagnosis of cancer or of any illness or disease our belief systems that we have had since we were children are put to the test. We actually have to experience whether or not we sense the presence of God when we are down in the pit. Do we experience the love of the community of faith when we lose our hair or when we are in the intensive care unit recovering from surgery? Do we worry about what our sisters and brothers in the faith think about us? And then is it too hard to go to church and always have to figure out a new answer to the question, “How are you?”

v                        Sometimes the expectation that we have to be happy around the holidays makes us stay away               from church or from family and friends because we think our poor health will dampen their                 spirits or they’ll dampen ours.

Scripture has an outlook that can help us as we struggle with these questions.

Psalm 139 reminds us that we are children of God. Listen to the words of the Psalmist…

Isaiah 43:1 God speaks as says, “I have called you by name and you are mine.” These words remind us that not only do we belong to God in life and in death, but our lives have purpose and meaning.

Jesus promises us God’s presence in the midst of all things. Jesus promises his disciples who fear being left alone and who fear being isolated in the world, “I will not leave you orphaned-peace I leave you, my peace I give you.”

One of the things I hear so often from parishioners is that daily living and the struggle is so hard that they just can’t bring themselves to church for worship.

So the questions to ask at such times are,

·         “What is my source of strength?

·         When do I feel spiritually alive?

·         How do I want to be supported spiritually by my faith community?

·         And finally what sacraments or rituals are most meaningful to me?”

When we are able to honestly answer these questions-perhaps we don’t know the answer yet-then the burden of needing to be a certain way in our faith journey is lifted.

The power of God’s love for us and the scents and sounds of holiday celebrations are connected with our past experiences. Reflecting on God’s abundant grace allows us to focus on the things we have. Often we have a tendency to focus on the scarcity and get caught up in the long lists of I don’t have, or I won’t get to be part of disappointments. But, God’s Word can redirect our thoughts to what we do have and what we are able to participate in. The richness of our time in the days to come will depend on some of our own hard work in deciding how do go forth.

One thing to share with your pastors and elders is what you DO want from them. Let them know if prayers sustain you, let them know if you would like them to bring communion to you at home, let them know if you want them to visit you every day-or if the daily visit is driving you crazy. We’ll get the message and we won’t be offended. Remember, this time of your life IS about you-and that’s OK.

                                           

Now for the practical side of the holidays.

The first thing is a message from Rev. Dr. Michael S, Barry chaplain for the Philadelphia Cancer center. He says in his message-Get some rest.

Psalm 127 the Lord says, He gives sleep to his beloved. You are God’s beloved and therefore rest is important to God for you. Rest is not doing nothing. Rest is an activity. We say we have things to do and we can’t possibly stop to rest. Yet, there are times when the body must rest. Choosing to rest and allow others to do for you while your whole your body takes on the activity of slowing down and coming into the fullness of God’s rest will be a blessing for everyone.

Be prepared for the what if’s.

What if I’m too tired-let the family know ahead of time that you might disappear from the room for a while. Tell them that you give them permission to continue to enjoy their time with one another. And invite them to help themselves to the kitchen-to get their own servings and their own drinks, and they are welcome to do the clean-up.

What if I look different from when people saw me last-don’t be afraid to face them. Respond to their blank stares and their bumbling words with a practiced statement of your own. “Hi, I probably look different from when we last saw each other. The chemo has changed my hair color and I’ve lost weight from a diet method I didn’t choose. I’m so glad you’re here…”

What if I can’t eat the food-plan ahead of schedule how you will eat. Plan to eat a small meal ahead of others. When you sit down to eat and the portion you take gets comments let them know that you have already eaten. Tell them you are eating just a little now and you will eat more later.

Finally here are some holiday tips from the different cancer support centers.

• · Keep it simple-buy online instead of at the malls, have a pot luck meal, start a new tradition.

·         Accept help-don’t try to be the hero and don’t try to pretend that everything is as it has always been-remember someday we’ll be 97 years old and we’ll have to accept help then too.

·         Eat wisely

·         Know your limits-choose to be part of the things tht really matter to you.

·         Be smart about travel-perhaps stay at a hotel instead of on Aunt Susie’s sofa, or gramma feather bed. Pamper yourself and if it feels like it is going to be awkward it probably will be so listen and take care of yourself. If people insist you stay with them-respond, “Thank you for the invitation, you are most kind but we’ve already made reservations and they are non-reimbursable.”

·         Share your feelings-sometimes if people are clear on how you feel it can reduce the stress level for everyone. If you keep your cancer silent it will make the room feel like there is a giant elephant there but nobody wants to mention that they see it.

·         Set goals for the New Year-know what you want and how you will look to the New Year and plan for it.

Tears can be a sense of relief and cleansing moment from God as you share time with family. Laughter can enrich your time together and the spirits of everyone present can soar. Once the cancer has been put in the pot of conversation, move about to hear and listen to the lives and stories of everyone else around the table.

The Lord has given great things to us and we rejoice!

Finally, in all things for the holidays the words that come to us from Paul to the Philippians is applicable for us tonight. 4: 4-9 and the God of peace will be with you. Amen.